


gone

by bustedandblue_boy



Category: Gorillaz
Genre: 2D dies yall, Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mutual Pining, Oblivious, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, double suicide, murdoc blames himself, noodle tries to help, sad dead gays
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-29
Updated: 2018-07-29
Packaged: 2019-06-18 00:52:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15473895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bustedandblue_boy/pseuds/bustedandblue_boy
Summary: Maybe it was his fault and maybe it wasn't.Either way he was going to fix it.





	gone

_ He was gone. _ He’d been gone for awhile now but it hadn’t really set in, hadn’t really seemed real to Murdoc until now. His best friend was gone – and it was probably his fault. He could still hear 2D’s laugh; see him smile when he finally found the right word or melody. He thought back to all the times 2D would skip important things just to be around him, or how he always took the brunt of things when they got into trouble.

He sat down on the floor, leaning back against the wall and running his fingers through his hair. He looked over at the suit Noodle had set out for him, Russel must have helped her find the right size. Murdoc didn’t want to get up, he didn’t want to leave the house. He didn’t think that losing 2D would have this much of an effect on him, didn’t think it would reduce him to tears when he went downstairs and saw that the singer wasn’t at the breakfast table with everyone else.

Murdoc wanted to scream. He just wanted 2D back, he didn’t care how.

“Murdoc?” Noodle gently knocked on the door, “You ok? We have to leave soon.”

Why did Noodle have to be so unbearably nice? He didn’t deserve this, they should’ve kicked him out long ago for his treatment of 2D. Why had he been such an asshole? 2D had always been so nice, had always been there when he was feeling down. He didn’t deserve these people, they didn’t need him, he just caused problems in their lives.

“Murdoc?” Noodle was being insistent. If he didn’t answer soon she’d just let herself in. He had to answer, he couldn’t let Noodle see him like this, crying on the floor over the damn singer. Murdoc took a second to pull himself together before answering.

“Y-yeah, I’ll be out in a minute.” That was a lie. He wouldn’t be out of this room until he stopped crying, which he doubted would be anytime soon.

Murdoc sighed and ran his fingers through his hopelessly messed up hair. He couldn’t face the singer’s parents knowing that their son’s death was his fault. He couldn’t face anyone anymore, not even himself.

He got up and grabbed his suit, putting on the different pieces as he walked to the bathroom. He looked at his reflection, reddened eyes looking back at him, and sighed. He turned the tap on and splashed some cold water on his face, hoping he might look a little less like he’d spent the last three days crying over 2D. He dried his face off, fixing his tie and stared his reflection down. He should be the one who’s gone, not 2D, nobody would miss him.

He pulled the door open and found himself face to face with Noodle. Her dark hair was pulled up into an elegant bun and suddenly he found himself wishing he’d fixed his hair before he opened the door.

“Murdoc, you look like a mess,” she sighed gently, turning him around and pushing him back into the room.

She walked into the bathroom and grabbed a comb, Murdoc followed her and sat on the edge of the tub. She pushed his hair out of his eyes and crouched in front of him.

“Murdoc, I know you miss him but you really need to be taking care of yourself.” Noodle sighed and started to fix his hair.

“Look, I know you don’t want to go, and we can’t make you, but it might be good for you.” She stood up and put the comb back on the counter before turning back around to face Murdoc.

“I’ll go,” Murdoc mumbled, staring at the floor. He couldn’t disappoint Noodle and Russ, not when he’d already disappointed 2D.

She smiled at him, something she hadn’t done since 2D was around. She helped him up and walked with him to the kitchen. Russ turned around when he heard their footsteps approaching, softly smiling at the sight of Murdoc. He grabbed another plate from the cupboard before piling it high with food and placing it in front of Murdoc at the table. Russ grabbed the other two plates off of the counter and sat down, handing one plate to Noodle and keeping one for himself.

“Mornin’ Murdoc.” Russ was clearly trying to act like everything was normal, even though it was nearly three o’clock and Murdoc hadn’t left his room since the breakfast incident.

It wasn’t a normal morning – partially because it wasn’t morning at all – but mostly because 2D wasn’t there. Because 2D wasn’t there cracking jokes, or singing his latest song, or even just half asleep eating his pancakes. 2D, with his Blue hair that was always in his piercing black eyes. 2D, who was by far the tallest of them but didn’t look intimidating by any stretch of the word. 2D.

Murdoc felt tears begin to roll down his cheeks, it was like the goddamn breakfast incident all over again. He didn’t need this right now, not with what he had to do today. He was already going to have to go face all of 2D’s friends and family, and they probably all blamed him for 2D being gone. Not that Murdoc didn’t blame himself, as well. If he hadn’t picked a fight with 2D that morning, he wouldn’t have left the house, wouldn’t have gotten himself blackout drunk, wouldn’t have walked in front of that car.

Murdoc was definitely crying now, tears falling off of his face and onto the table. Noodle and Russ exchanged panicked looks before Noodle got up from the other side of the table to sit next to Murdoc and pull him into a hug. He sobbed quietly into her shoulder for a minute before attempting to speak.

“H-he’s gone,” He hiccupped, stuttering his words, “A-and its all my fault!” he started crying even harder and grabbed onto Noodle’s sleeves.

Russ walked around the table to join Murdoc and Noodle, tears beginning to stream down his face as well. They slowly slid down from the chairs until they were crumpled in a crying heap on the floor, letting out everything that had been kept in since 2D left.

They all piled into Murdoc’s car, heading to the dreaded event that would make this all so final. That would finally put an end to the hopeless thoughts that maybe he would come back, maybe 2D was just in a hotel somewhere, or hiding in the basement. There would be no disputing that he was really gone after today.

They pulled up outside the building and Murdoc stepped out of the car, staring down the stark white building. He turned around, he couldn’t face this without Russ and Noodle.

He thought back to the last time he’d seen 2D; the last thing he’d said to him before he was gone.

_ They were in the basement of the house, going over the new lyrics 2D had written. Murdoc was impressed, they were really insightful, told a story almost. He smiled at the singer on the other end of the couch, asking about specific lines and adding things in or moving them when needed. Everything was fine until he came across a particularly sad love song and made the mistake of asking who it was about. 2D’s face had flushed red and Murdoc immediately knew the answer. _

_ “It’s uh, it’s about you...” 2D had mumbled into the pillow he was holding, and Murdoc had felt his eyes go wide as saucers. _

_ “You wrote me a love song?!” He hadn’t meant it to come out so angry, hadn’t meant to sound so disapproving. He definitely didn’t mean it when he called the singer all sorts of names and all but kicked him out of the house. 2D had been missing the next morning. _

Murdoc shook his head to clear it of the memory as Noodle and Russ finally caught up to him and they walked in the doors together.

He sat down near the back, he felt like he shouldn’t be there, after all he was the reason they were all here right now. He silently berated himself, knowing that as soon as this was over he would never leave his room again.

As Murdoc listened to all of the little speeches, talking about how great 2D was and how much of a calming effect he had, he came to a realization. One that was shocking to himself but not as much so to everyone else. He knew he missed 2D, who didn’t? But there was something else there, something that made his heart ache. Something he’d tried to ignore but the song 2D wrote and the death of the singer had brought to the surface.

He had feelings for the now long gone singer, feeling beyond friendship, although that was what he had originally written them off as. Murdoc realized he’d felt this way about 2D for a long time, _ and now it’s too late to do anything about it,  _ he cried silently and Noodle gently placed a hand on his shoulder.

Looking up at her Murdoc realized that she was crying too, and beside her Russ was crying as well. He wiped his eyes on his sleeve and looked to the front of the room. He looked at the shock of blue hair poking out of the box, 2D’s mother crying in the first row. He wanted to hit something, preferably himself. He didn’t belong here, and however much his friends tried to convince him otherwise he knew the truth, he wasn’t wanted here.

Maybe things would be better for Noodle and Russ if he just left; he didn’t want another repeat of what happened to 2D. He should be the one dead – not 2D – 2D deserved so much better. Better than what he could provide. Better than a friend who yells all the time. Better than a friend who says that you’d be better off dead because you wrote a fucking song for them.

When they pulled back into the driveway, Murdoc stayed in the car until everyone had left. Once Noodle and Russ were on the porch he slowly removed himself from the backseat.

“Murdoc, you coming inside? We’re ordering pizza.” Russ looked at him sadly, and Noodle smiled at him, beckoning him closer.

“I think I’m just gonna go out guys, clear my head.” He shrugged. “I probably won’t be back till late, don’t wait up.” He waved, turning around and walking down the street.

He was crying again, he thought back to the times he used to do this with 2D. Walks down the dark city streets. They used to talk about whatever was on their minds, anything was fair game. Past relationships, childhood memories, old friends. Hours and hours spent wandering the streets until the sun finally came up and they went home.

He found himself on the bridge. He looked out at the water thinking back to the day when it was the police at the door early in the morning instead of 2D.

_There was a knock on the door. Murdoc had fallen asleep on the couch waiting for 2D to come home. He sighed and got up; 2D must’ve forgotten his keys again. The person knocked again, louder this time._

_ “Alright, alright I’m coming, hold your horses.” He headed over to the door, ready to scold his friend for being gone so long. He opened the door and found himself face to face with a pair of policemen. _

_“Mr. Niccals?” the first police officer began._

_“Yeah, what’s going on?” He figured at this point that 2D had gotten into some sort of trouble and would need to be bailed out._

_“Do you know a Mr. Stuart Pot?” It was the other officer who spoke this time._

_“Yeah, he lives here. What’s going on?” He was getting concerned now, why hadn’t they told him where 2D is?_

_“You might want to take a seat,” The first officer said._

They’d told him 2D was dead. That he’d walked out in front of a car and stared the driver down as they ran him over. Suicide; that’s what they’d told him.

He climbed onto the railing of the bridge, looking out into the distance, watching the city lights reflected on the mirrored surface of the water. The wind blew his dark hair around and sent shivers down his spine. The water seemed to beckon to him, drawing him into its grasp.

Murdoc leaned forward balancing his legs on the bottom of the railing. He could let go, fall into the dark abyss of the river. He could be with 2D again. Everyone would be better off without him. Noodle and Russ could get another, nicer roommate. 2D’s parents wouldn’t have to see him again, be reminded of the man who killed their son.

He let go with one hand. He could almost see 2D again, smiling, reaching out to grab his hand. He smiled, reaching out as well. He could almost reach.

He let go with his other hand, and wobbled for a moment before falling, plummeting down into the dark river below. 

  
  



End file.
